NTA - Brother and SIL are predators!! They only saw her as an incubator and that is so sad. My sister and I were both adopted as infants. AITA for going back on an offer to adopt my cousin? Not the A-hole. She had a son (6 months at the time, she was with multiple guys and ended up pregnant, still doesn't know who's the bio father), but it wasn't that much of The oldest 3 reunited, but they're still looking for the youngest. At 16 you realized you were not capable of being a mother so you gave her a chance at life with a loving family. Difference is, I grew out of thinking my way of looking at adoption was the only one by the time I was in my mid-20s. AITA has reached a new low. NTA -Giving your child up for adoption was probably the most selfless thing you ever did. They chose to send their religious friends to your door. He is old enough to hear the truth. Swear on my dog's head, it's the same Fat People FanFiction they used to post on FatPeopleHate. AITA I told my sister to just adopt a baby. „Adult adoption refers to the adoption of an adult. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: The action I took was not adopting a dog that my cousins wanted me to adopt. I believe this action may make me the asshole because, even though I did not agree to adopt said dog, I know my cousins really loved this dog and wanted to see me happy with him. My daughter (17) Alyssa is a straight A student and plays soccer, she is also on track to graduate high school with honors and possibly with a scholarship for sports and/if not for her honors and being top class. AITA for wanting to give my baby up for adoption? Not the A-hole. Bringing the rest of the family along and then saying “we’ve had a great life” is going to hurt the one family member who didn’t get to be a part of that. Kai calls me mom and has since he was 4. They need to form a bond and provide care, that can’t happen if the child is left in the care of a stranger which Grandma will be. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I may be the asshole because I took my dad’s pets that he doesn’t properly care for away from him because he took a pet away from me. I was adopted when I was a baby and my adoptive parents (50s) did their best to raise me and support me through college. Now my sister and parents have been hinting at me to keep the Asshole. AITA: I'm adopted and I don't want my mom to adopt again. I was adopted through foster care at the age of 7 officially but I found my family at the age of 6. Karma is a bitch for once and the racist couple get blessed with a brown baby. AITA for putting my teenage daughter up for adoption after she got pregnant? Now hear me out. She was unable to have kids and I had abusive addict parents, and she stepped in as a mentor and mother figure. I am getting married in october and the baby is due in august. If they did not actually choose for their friends to come to your door they sure as heck did not try to stop them from coming to your door. AITA for suggesting my pregnant sister should put her baby up for adoption? Asshole. Ideally, we want to adopt siblings, so we can keep them together, and preferably older kids (10+) as we know it's harder for older kids to get adopted. When I was 23 I decided to search for my biological parents,and long story short they were teenagers (14 ADMIN MOD. I would like details from the OP, but the time line was at least a week. I (25f) am super confused in this situation. I (31M) met my ex-girlfriend (29F) on a dating app ~7 years ago. I (27F) grew up being pretty close to my cousin (also 27F). She got pregnant by a unprotected one night stand so she dosent know who the dad is. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD a few years before me, my parents were fairly good about it and tried to get me support First off, NTA. After which I started the adoption process, that still goes on. r/AmITheAngel. However you could have done a lot better than accusing your stepchildren of being disrespectful when that obviously wasn't their intention. Use rape or sexual assault, call it what it was. Take it home the day before they get back and keave a bill in its place. A private adoption in the US can be anywhere from 35-50K from what I've read and to top it off there is no guarantee that the adoption will be successful, leaving you tens of thousands of dollars poorer with nothing to show for it. AITA for telling my sister to adopt kids if she wants them so much? Not the A-hole. RequirementNormal236. You have your mom's side of things. Yeah, YTA - an ANGEL! The biological mother always has first rights to her own child, and she only opted for adoption out of fear of not Correct. My adopters were ok growing up. I do not know the gender, and have been looking into possible parents for my baby, as my (now ex) boyfriend A) cost. My former adoptive mother was also my stepmother. She apparently did the deed with ADMIN MOD. NAH for not adopting them; that clearly isn't possible. Throwaway, as people at my school know my reddit and they don’t need to know my business. While my youngest child is my last, obviously we weren't going to give him up. They never abused me but I never really bonded with them. My mom didn't want me and I used to be really jealous of adoptees because in my mind the fact that someone chose to adopt them made them automatically wanted and loved. Time for both to start growing up and cut the umbilical cord and relying on mommy. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. OPs parents should have long ago stepped in and had a good talk to the sister. As is surrogacy in many places. Please, please read up adoption trauma and experiences of adult adoptees who are now talking. It is hard to deal with the issues he has too. I had a coworker once who was trying to adopt and, being a very open and extroverted person, he shared that ordeal with our department. Reply reply. In case this story gets deleted/removed: AITA for “making” my daughter give her son up for adoption? I 47F have two kids, 17F and 19F. ESH. Prior to their elopement, they were on and off for about 4 years. AITA for ruining English Mother's Day for my former adoptive mother? Not the A-hole. Susan and James were looking into adoption as they haven't been able to have children. When my birth mom was 19, my birth aunt sent a letter that I had a half sibling. We adoptees act certain ways because there is always the inkling of fear that do one wrong thing and you’ll be thrown out NTA. Donating bone marrow is a low-risk, mild discomfort procedure. She's an amazing kid and loves me and my family. Carter was really into the idea, but Alex was not. It isn't just learning the language and adapting. Be gentle with Alex. And it seems very apparent that she did NOT adopt you to be able to legally achieve that "mom" title. My sister is 23 and I'm 20f. Anyway. AITA for putting my new wife’s cat up for adoption? The Sims. You remember her and the love she showed you. Your sister should’ve given you more instructions on how to care for the chinchilla. Stepmom's desires here don't supersede yours. I was visiting family in South America 13 years ago. My husband " James" and I have been married 3 years but have been in a romantic relationship for a total of 5 years. We have a comfortable life financially, but not 50K down the drain comfortably. Due to the current situation, she is not living with us, but we’ve met That’s what leaving debt behind usually looks like, yes. They got matched with ‘Jess’ who is 13. The adopted adult enters into a legal We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. TemporaryCook76. A couple years later Carter brought it up and he really wanted me to adopt him. While it was hard for Sarah to adapt at first, she loves us and is our daughter. Said not a real family member useless brood mare has a perfect clapback to their whining and sets a mirror to both their racism and adoption views with one remark. Adoption is a thing that exists. . I met one of my cousin's kids for the first time. I likely will be entering hospice sometime in 2024- I just want a final holidays at home. Apparently this makes her an asshole for some of the AITA regulars. Pet will be returned when paid in full. The fact that OP didn't know this was actually true and so brushed it off changes nothing there. My (35F) sister Hannah (28F) (fake name for the post) went through a horrible divorce in 2021 and lost her home. There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping your mom in your heart and thinking of her as your one and only mom. Not the A-hole. Vote and comment on others' posts. First, adoption = trauma. If you want or need to stop this, all you have to do is call the family court office in your jurisdiction and ask how to go about objecting to your adoption if your parents try to force it. He is my 2nd nephew and the most precious thing in the world. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. I mean, duh, come on. Double down on "not real family" angle by disparaging adoption as an institution. It felt like being raised by strangers. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. It doesn't matter what your bio family thinks; this is something that protects you and demonstrates who your true family is. You are trying to insert yourself into a life that is sounded like has been going on for a decade. That's your prerogative. Then in high school she got really into the drugs/party thing and ended up dropping out in her senior year. We're both adopted but we do share the same bio parents as well. Adopted kids have issues with their 2-parent adoptive families too. AITA for telling the family that adopted my dog that they had no permission to rename him? Asshole I used to have a german shepard named "Willy", but had to put him up for adoption because my future stepson is allergic to dogs so Willy had to be out of the house before my fiancee and her son moved in with me. An Open adoption simply means that the adoption records are not sealed, so that the child, at some point, can look at the records and learn about and find the bio parents if they choose to. To make a long story short, I’m 16, and currently pregnant, 33 weeks. She and my father forced the adoption on me against my will when I was 7 because she couldn't have children biologically, my mom was dead and they felt like she "deserved" the official mother title and a place Basically, the concept of a 9-year-old's opinion being the sole or even primary basis for deciding adoption status would be extremely unusual. They had no idea how OP felt about being given up for adoption. AITA for not wanting to adopt my "dying" ex-girlfriends child? Not the A-hole. Okay, 1) you are NTA if you want to let your stepfather adopt you, you also wouldn't be an AH if you didn't want him to adopt you despite all he has done. So we put it off. My parents have a lot on their plate already and while it pisses me off that they want to take on more and add to mine as well, I know I did not handle talking to them in the most Their mother passed away 7 years ago. true. I would only get an „bonus dad“. We want one so bad it hurts. But then, my mom, who was one of the few who knew about the adoption, gave me a knowing look and mouthed, "Now's the perfect time!" Caught up in the emotion and encouraged by my mom's enthusiasm, I stood up and announced, "And I have some news too—I'm going to be a mom! The adoption is final!" The room erupted. This past month my sister welcomed her newborn into this world. She’s kind of panicking a bit and telling everyone to just start writing something. Find out if you were wrong or right in an argument. •. That’s the limit for siblings too young to consent for themselves, and even minor siblings old enough to consent for themselves generally aren’t allowed to donate kidneys or liver lobes until they’re 18. It’s always been a dream of my parents to adopt (me and bro are bio-kids) and they had come to the decision that they want to adopt an older kid. I (15F) live with my parents (mid-40s) and my brother (9M). My husband and I want to adopt. I don't think this person adopted her step kids, but they called her Mom from 8-16, until bio mom popped back into their lives and the kids reacted poorly, but predictably if you are trained to work with foster youth or older adoptees. This past year, two things happened. I was given up for adoption when I was a baby by my parents who were 19 years old. Having his closest relative adopt him is probably the best he could get. Edit: Posted an update here. The young woman had just had her third kid and had been left by her boyfriend. My husband grew up with two sisters, but when he was a senior in high school his mom came home from vacation with a baby, well call her "Katie" now i have no idea how she managed to get an adoption through so quickly, or how she managed to adopt without her husband's consent but she was in a foreign country, so maybe things are different over there. We want him so badly and we love him to pieces. They had no other children. The cat's owner should have noticed and started calling shelters and vets after a day or less. Adoption should be something everyone is onboard with, not something a kid/teen is bullied or guilt-ed into doing to make the adults happier. They pressured to to lie to your sister while both of you were in a traumatic foster-to-adopt situation after being taken from your parents. You could have explained to them that you couldn't adopt them unless their father gave them up, which is not likely. On the other hand, in a closed adoption, the record are sealed and nobody can access them without a court order. It nonetheless was a horrible thing to do, and she has to accept the hurt she caused. Due to reasons, I was taken from my adoptive parents and put in foster care when I was 11 and remained in the system until I went to college. AITA for going back on letting my husband adopt my daughter because he cheated? I (50F) am dying from esophageal cancer. So I (18f) am a transracial adoptee. As a foster parent to 15 kids including 2 teenagers over the years, any child of any age you adopt from the system are inherently considered special needs to some extent because of their trauma. She eventually had my nephew "Evan" (now 8 ). Yeah, should probably have dropped it in one of the foster groups, but step parent adoption is sometimes mentioned here. So we decided that I would adopt Carter and told I am in fact quite familiar with the adoption process and foster care system (at least in America). My sister (18f)Is pregnant. When they learned our birth parents were expecting another kid they wanted to place for adoption they were willing to adopt me as well. AITA for not adopting my niece and nephews? Not the A-hole. Maybe international adoption would be better suited, since the bio parents/families are usually not involved. The adoption was mostly closed, but my adoptive parents and birth aunt sent letters for a few years. Be gentle with yourself. I was adopted when I was 5 years old by a couple who were 28 and 30 at the time. So far, things went well, so hoping for the best. When we found out we were expecting [son], Susan started asking if we wanted to give him up to them and only have two children. 3 times as long as what you had. TheMildOnes34. My son had very few of his own assets, so no estate. My adoptive father was diagnosed with cancer, and my adoptive mother got pregnant for the first time in decades. Join the community of moral philosophers and share your dilemmas. 2) I would NOT go through with the adoption just based off of what your mom told you. I would still be the child from my „dad“. She has to look out for her child. I (30F) am getting married to my fiance in May. That was the last time they communicated. These are completely valid feelings to have. That adoption provides you so much safety and security - your adoptive parents are now your next of kin. I would change my last name to his and in all means be his daughter. There’s a lot to learn from adult adoptees who are speaking out now about emotional abuse they faced from their adopters. My birth mother was 15 when she had me and gave me up for adoption. INFO: This is so much bigger than AITA. SIL was adopted as an infant. I'm currently pregnant and two weeks ago we found out it was a The brother and SIL are freaking predators. Even if OP’s adoption had worked out, that doesn’t mean she’s cool with being adopted. AITA upset my parents don't consider my adopted daughter their granddaughter. Memes allowed, shitposts only on weekends. I told my parents I would take on more responsibility so they can foster/adopt my cousin, but only until I'm 18 and then I'll be done and I will be gone for good. Jesus. Originally posted by u/accountForThrow223. A place to satirize, crosspost from, poke fun at, and hold meta discussions on the never-ending ridiculous stories and creative writing exercises from AITA and AITA-adjacent subs, including classic tales of your local reddit heroes seeking validation. I am half Indian and half Ashkenazi Jewish while my adopters are white. Because of their unstable relationship, my sister never introduced him to our family until they were married. Also most adoption agencies won’t allow a working couple to adopt a baby, one person must be home with the child, especially a child with additional needs or a special focus child. this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. A lot of my friends are laughing under their breath because they know I’m not adopted so she’s telling everyone quiet down NTA. I (19f) was adopted at birth by my parents (61f, 62m) and they also adopted my brother (26m) from a different family. After my ex and I had our daughter, Emily, we decided to talk to the other kids about me legally adopting my ex's two older kids (Alex and Carter). Dufflecat. I let her live with me for two years so she could save some money for a new home. I'd always known I was adopted. 7K votes, 473 comments. So much fantasy. Your parents chose to be glaring hypocrites. He was the father of only the latest kid. 2. AITA for refusing to adopt my sisters baby. Adoption is permanent, and unless The girl is over 18 Tarra has every right to be present at any interactions. Original. It's far more likely that the circumstances of adoption would have to be deemed unsuitable. It always, "Fat Person Ruined My Life! It can't be my fault, ever, because I am thin and thin is good and fat is evil!" My boss said he would do the same thing. Well, I only tried once, and then gave up on the idea, that was many years ago, had been divorced, married again, and I had plenty of chances to pregnant by accident, and never happened. . The reason it has not happened is Lee does not want me to adopt him and my husband did not feel comfortable with me adopting only Kai. You made the BEST decision you could at that moment in time for your baby & yourself. 1. Some more so than others but trauma is a bitch and to be in the system, they've experienced trauma. Kai has wanted me to adopt him for some time now and it was something discussed. Many bio parents who choose adoption get to chose the family their baby goes to these days and will want some type of open adoption, even if it's just letters and pictures once or twice a year until the child is an adult. I adopted my husband's niece Sarah 9 years ago. Aita for choosing my birth family over adoptive family. My and my twin sister (F36) have both fertility problems, and been unable to conceive. putyerphonedown. My SIL who is my husband's younger sister and I are both adopted. I babysat a lot for her--I was attending college locally, so I was We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Sadly, ex passed away, roughly 3 months ago. It's incredibly inappropriate for an adult to even ask this of a child, much less one coming to them from trauma. YTA. Help keep the sub engaging! Yeah I used to do this. I warned her about the horrors about having unprotected sex and she didn’t listen. Asshole. AITA for walking away from my SIL when she mentioned adoption again? Not the A-hole. I have always thought an open adoption was way healthier than the attitude about adoption when I was growing up - shrouded in secrecy with the kids wondering about bio-parents but afraid of appearing disloyal to adoptive parents if they sought information (if it was even available). Explain you tried to give him a better home then the one you grew up in by giving him up for adoption, but it appears your parents, his grandparents, interfered again when they adopted him and kept him in their home. AITA for telling my mom she should have bought a different child. My (31f) sister (27f) was married to A for 3 years. r/AmItheAsshole. The normal response to this should be to respect your wishes and stop pressuring you. She looked so worn down and sad. An „adult adoption“ basically means that my stepdad can officially adopt my to be his daughter. I adore him so much. Denise is 40. You made the right choice. For adoptive families, birth families, adoptees, current and former foster youth… Yes. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here So at this point I’m like whatever, I’ll just play into it, so I look upset and I’m like “I didn’t know I was adopted!”. Absolutely no one loves to admit this to themselves, but your own life choices led you to this point. I jokingly called her mom for a few years before she The adoption was not selfish. Lots of unhinged Redditors berating a 16 year for not getting an abortion when she became pregnant. Your exhaustion, your sleepless nights, that fact you're broke, your inability to find a consistent babysitter these are all problems you've invented for yourself by having children outside your means. AITA for giving my sister up for adoption? Not the A-hole. From the way the post was written, it sounds like your father wants adopt an infant or young child. I (30 f) was legally adopted by undergraduate professor after she stepped into a mothering role when I was in undergrad. It’s a lot harder for them to seize assets of someone who is unrelated. You may be asked to come in for an interview with the judge, or a simple letter or email may suffice. This past week my sister has been telling us how hard motherhood is and we offered to adopt him and treat him as our own. Some more info would help people see the full picture. ADMIN MOD. As I have learned more than once sooner or later all of our sins come home to roost. But they are even more the AHs for allowing sister to bully OP with being adopted for apparently many years. 61K subscribers in the Adoption community. The girl is pro-choice, and *chose* not to get an abortion but instead put the kid up for adoption. We are using our own money, some of which was indeed set aside for Dave Sr's graduate schooling, but still, our money. Many shelters have a mandatory 1 week waiting period before they neuter and put the pet up for adoption. Taking the posts seriously is heavily discouraged. Depending on the situation, Medicare can seize assets of family members for payment of medical services if those assets were the deceased person’s within the last 5 years. Did Erica and your son receive comprehensive counselling BEFORE deciding to allow you to adopt their child? Did they continue to receive counselling until, at a bare minimum, 30-60 days (preferably, a good 12 months +) after the child was born? NTA, and I'd like to congratulate you on finding your family. 38 votes, 50 comments. You are doing the best you can. He and his husband wanted an open adoption because they wanted to have the opportunity for the birth family to have a part in the child's life, but that also meant that they went through a lot of rejections and changed minds. So, I (YA M) have had an on again off again relationship with Cathandra Froth (YA F) (fake name for anonymity) - Once I had finally graduated from college (Go Britechester!) I decided it was time to settle down for real and I knew it could only be with my true love. Lee calls me by my first name. We are comfortable financially, and decided to pay her monthly " child support" equal to what my son eould have paid, according to our state formula, if he made $30k a year. We always had a good relationship and I obviously love them. My sister declined and asked that I give her space and not contact her for a little while while she gets her mind straight. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. I am a single mother of 2 girls, 9 and 4. I totally understand that what she did was a trauma response. She was placed at birth and our parents adopted her. Letters_from_summer. During my sisters pregnancy I was a major part of it and she is aware of all of our losses and she knows how badly we want a baby. It is not the job of a child to lie on behalf of an adult. She tried to come for me and say that I have sex all the time and never got pregnant (I’m a lesbian) so why should she be worried. Had 2 court hearings so far, and another one will be in ~2 weeks. These kids have been abandoned (regardless of the reasons), theydepending need to have a stable, supportive family . ki tc mh be wh ru gh wm hn jm